wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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