at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
