There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
