If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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