Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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