Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
