her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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