i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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