I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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