Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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