well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
