4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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