Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
