You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
