You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
