I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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