You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
