dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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