I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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