I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
