You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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