I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
