that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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