now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
