So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
