I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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