I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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