I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
