Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
