when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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