Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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