i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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