i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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