peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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