i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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