I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
