I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
