he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
