Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
