if only i could text you this smell
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
