now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
