Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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