if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
