Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
