You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
