So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
