'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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