He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
