If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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