so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
