i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
